Life, Love, and Critters – of course!
Today is day #2 of the suckage. I’m looking forward to menopause, maybe then I won’t want to stick a fork in everything I do for a week out of every month, and sit in a pile of used kleenex with a large fork and half eaten pan of fudge brownies in my lap.
On the upside, I lost another inch in my hips and 1.8 lbs. last week. (That’s 2 inches total in my hips, 1 in my waist and 4.6 lbs. in 3 weeks.)
All that, and I’m retaining water. And chocolate.
That is all.
President and Mrs. George W. Bush reported taxable income of $719,274 for the tax year 2007 and paid $221,635 in federal income taxes, the White House said Friday. That’s nearly 31%.
Vice President Cheney and his wife earned $2,528,068, the White House said, and owe taxes of $602,651. That’s about 24%.
If you’d like to figure out your percentage of tax, divide your “total tax” (line 63 on your 1040) into your Taxable income (line 43 on your 1040).
There is a belly in the blogosphere that is about to burst. Raehan is due any minute day now with baby #3. There is nothing more beautiful or poignant than a pregnant belly, except to know that this new life is being born to one of the most kind and gentle people I’ve had the pleasure to meet.
I know that this baby, like her two beautiful girls, will be loved beyond measure. He (or she, but I’m sticking with he) will be smart, well cared for, disciplined, and adored. Read to every night, sung to and doted on. By the time her beautiful baby is able to read, there will be a stack of letters tucked away written by his Momma and sisters that he’ll cherish for a lifetime. That’s just the kind of mom Raehan is.
So today I’m celebrating this very special woman and wishing her a wonderful, memorable and totally pain free birth (heh).
Congratulations, Raehan, and many blessings to you and your newest addition.
xoxo
Clickity click this.
So, since she asked, and if I told ANYone else that I know that I took a new pic of myself they’d all be like “ooh lemme see, I wanna see!” here it is, and there you go. (And if you want to see what I looked like when I was a youngin’, click here.)
I did measure and weigh in this morning, my measurements are all the same except for my thighs, which went down 1/2-inch (YAY for vanishing thunder thighs!) and my weight, which is down 1.7lbs from last Monday. Progress, sweet progress. So, to reward myself for such good results, I walked for 30 minutes at 3.5mph at an incline today. Yeowch. LOL
Time to dig back into the design queue – so much to get done this week so I can get back out into the studio next week!
Here are a few bee facts to get you started:
1. Honey bees are responsible for pollinating one-third of all the foods we eat, including many of our favorite fruits, nuts and vegetables.
2. Alarmingly, more than 25 percent of the Western honey bee population has disappeared over the last several winters, threatening our food supply and our way of life.
3. Many of the honey bee deaths are being attributed to a mysterious threat called Colony Collapse Disorder, which causes bees to suddenly leave their hive and die. Unfortunately, not much is known about this new threat.
4. Researchers are working to find a solution to Colony Collapse Disorder, but there are ways that we can all help the honey bees today. Learn more about bees and what you can do to help at helpthehoneybees.com.
Go on and create your own cute little bee to share with friends! The website alone is beeeee-autiful!
The other night, Paige (my BFFL) and I were reminiscing about the good old days, how old we are, and the creepy part? Who has died from our two classes. She graduated a year ahead of me, so I don’t remember some of the folks in her class – in fact, I don’t remember a lot of the folks in my own class, either!
I told her about a dream I had not too long ago that included this super sweet guy, Ken Carpenter. I remember Ken. He was a jock, he was good looking, above all else, he was cool. He was a sweetheart. Nice to everyone, smiling, laughing. He was just like that in my dream, too. I don’t know what he was doing there, but there he was – and I waved and greeted him like we were going to have coffee and catch up on years gone by.
I Googled him the next morning, and was so sad when I found out that he’s passed away. Hodgkin’s disease took him when he was just 29. I about cried, honestly. Obviously he didn’t change, as the community revered him so much they named a park after him in the little town I grew up in. I intend to take the girls to that park when we get back up there in June.
Paige and I talked about that, and a few others who are doing well – and more who had passed away. Seems cancer is the devil, and it’s snatching up more and more people than I realized.
By the way – did you know that you can request your annual mammograms to start any time? You don’t have to wait until your 45. I’ve been having them done since I was around 27, when my sister-in-law passed away from what started out as breast cancer, and ended up ravaging her entire body. It’s never too soon to start checking.
Well then I got to thinking about more people, people I lost touch with or just haven’t heard from in years. A couple of my best friends in high school drifted away, we kinda-sorta kept in touch but after I while I felt like I was more interested in maintaining a friendship than they were, so I took the hint and just stopped trying. Shalise, Jen, Erin, Tracy – they’ve all just disappeared.
This morning I woke up thinking about Shalise. She went off to college, met a guy, fell in love, got married and had a baby. That’s about when we lost touch, so I thought I’d give her a Google. (hah! It’s better than getting hung up on, right? WHO? Who is this? Leanne? Leanne who?) I found something REALLY recent, like she’s doing this RIGHT NOW and dang if she still doesn’t have the biggest heart ever, she’s joined the 2008 MS Walk on May 4th. So of course I dropped a donation into her virtual bucket, and I think it would be really so cool if you did, too. Kinda sorta to say “hey” for me, more to support the cause, and applaud her for still being a sweetie-head. I think she has the most compassionate family I’ve ever met.
Okay so while we were talking, I also had a movie flashback. It was Sandra Bullock in Hope Floats. She was the prom queen, yadda yadda and goes back to her home town and needs to get a job. She walks into an employment agency and a girl from high school runs the place, and finds it the perfect opportunity to tell her she doubt she can find an opening for a prom queen. Sandra admits that she has no idea how she treated this woman in high school, but she’s sure it couldn’t have been very nice since she’s hell-bent on putting her in her place. She asks if she could also put her in a job, too.
MAN I could totally relate to that. I don’t remember people, I don’t know how I treated people, and though I definitely wasn’t a prom queen, I sure do wonder sometimes if I was a real foot-in-mouth kinda gal back then, too.
I wonder, do you wonder? Do you find yourself surprised when you find out what someone’s doing now, what they look like? Do you attend your reunions? I haven’t, and don’t intend to… see above for my reasons. And just for fun, if you’re married and you want to show up in Google when someone’s lookin’ and they might not know your married name, add it to your blog somewhere. If you want to be found, that is.
Whew – it’s been quite a week, and I’m happy to be on the upswing of dealing with some very deep and emotional personal struggles with my health and fitness. Fortunately, we all have the power to change the things about ourselves that aren’t what they should be. We just need to reach down deep and find that place that’s broken, and start working a little bit every day toward fixing it.
Funny, I would love nothing more than to keep the last couple of posts up on top, because the moment it drops down out of sight I worry that it will also drop out of mind. This struggle is my own – and for anyone who thinks I’m blaming someone else for “how I turned out”, I am not. The way I deal with food is my reaction to circumstances that I had no control over as a child. Being teased, going through a divorce, struggling with family issues that were no one’s fault, but everyone’s undoing. It seems this is a common situation, and many of you have shared your own struggles and I can’t thank you enough for making me feel “normal”. I am not the only one, YOU are not the only one.
I began my week last week with a couple of goals. First, to get to 2 miles on my treadmill within 20 minutes. I’m not a runner by any stretch of the imagination, and I know it’s going to take time to get there. That’s ok – it’s a goal. I’ll get there eventually. If I increase my distance even by 1/10th of a mile each day, or each week – I will be 1/10th of a mile closer to that goal. Always move forward, that’s my only guideline. My other goal was to track my exercise and food again and track my measurements and weight weekly (though I also check my weight daily since I have a 1/10th scale and it helps me stay on track through the week). I would just like to show a decrease – no matter how slight – every week. No big goal there, just down from previous week.
A little sweat equity will keep me going, I think.
So for this week, I’m on the right track. I’m up to 1.24mi in 20 minutes and down everywhere else…
Weight: -1.1 lbs.
Chest: n/c
Waist: -1 inch
Hips: -1 inch
I took my thigh measurement this week, so I’ll start tracking it as well (Yo, thunder thigh’s the name, remember).
Now I’ve gotta get to work – I have 10 more blog designs to whip up before the 14th, when I’ll get back out to the studio for a couple of weeks of intense painting sessions!
As a young girl, she always felt fat. She was teased in grade school on the playground by the boys, and none of the cool girls would play with her. She internalized her rejection and over many years, it became self-hatred. “Thunder thighs” were disgusting. Fat was something you didn’t want to be. Unfortunately, she learned very early on that what people see on the outside is how you’re categorized as a person, but there wasn’t much she could do about it. The school didn’t teach anyone how to eat healthy, her parents didn’t take issue with what was going to become the biggest battle she’d ever fight. A fight for fitness.
The all to common “love a person for who they are” phrase is beaten into everyone’s minds now more than ever. It is now used as an excuse, that it’s okay to be fat. What you are on the outside does not make who you are on the inside, but I’m here to tell you – it absolutely does. If you can’t look in the mirror without disgust, then there’s a problem. If your spouse keeps telling you they love you exactly as you are and your lifespan is very obviously going to be cut short by at least 20 years since you can’t walk across a room without catching your breath – then there’s a problem. There’s a problem with the perception that being overweight is okay – and there’s a problem with conveying that you’re okay with seeing someone you love dearly so desperately unfit and unhealthy.
All my life, every single day, I’ve had this problem. I can recall from a young age hearing the words “if you don’t stop eating like that you’re going to look just like your Aunt …. ” the obese aunt. I remember going to bed at night and hearing the sounds of crinkling cookie wrappers – my parents downstairs having their nightly snack, which we didn’t get. That only made me want it more. I dove into buckets and packages and containers when my parents weren’t looking. I ate when I was frustrated, I ate because I was famished, I ate, and ate – and the one thing I did learn about food was that if it tastes good, eat it. If it’s really good, hide it and eat it in private – whatever you do, don’t share it.
I was without a boyfriend, of course, since thunder thighs really weren’t cool. I compensated my insecurities in high school with humor. Sarcasm gave me the opportunity to put other people down lower than I felt myself. Of course I only did that in private, because I was only privately hating everyone who looked at me the wrong way.
I grew to enjoy being on the outside, because the less involved I was with people, the less I hated them. I didn’t want to be angry all the time, especially since that just made me turn to food.
When I met my husband while I was in high school, I weighed what I weigh today. Exactly, as a matter of fact.
I wasn’t happy then, and I’m not happy now.
It’s been 19 years now, full of ups and downs. I’ve tried every diet I could tolerate. I have taken pills and successfully lost weight – and successfully gained it back. I have purchased kits and subscriptions and my eyes still drool when I see instructions or magazines that claim to be able to help you drop 10 pounds in the next 2 days. My health has suffered, my bones have suffered, and my mind is in a haze. Not one single day has ever passed when I haven’t thought about my weight and wanted to see something better when I looked in the mirror. Not one single day has ever gone by without the thought “I am fat” entering my mind. I’ve felt good – and when I feel good I do feel a little success, and those words of encouragement make me soar inside. Still, though, I see fat – and I know I have a long way to go to achieve my goals.
That photo above is an overlay of the past few years for me. When Mark left for Iraq in 2004 – I was at my absolute all time high, 233 pounds. I couldn’t walk from one side of my house to the other without panting. It took me weeks to get to the point where I could even go 2mph on my treadmill – let alone walk a full mile. The stress of his tour was a blessing and a curse – as I dropped weight like crazy, I was eating horribly and not learning a damn thing about health. All I wanted was for that fat to go away before he came home.
Thankfully – it hasn’t returned. This past winter, though, has made me feel like if I don’t get serious – and stay serious, it is most definitely going to creep its way back on, and I will turn into a miserable, unhealthy and depressed person.
I have the same problems that everyone else has.
Motivation: Forcing myself to get on the treadmill and exercise.
Time: Forcing myself to stay on for more than 10 minutes. Prepare meals from organic foods.
Desire: I do not like pain or sweat. I have to learn to look at it differently.
I also want what we all want – not to go it alone. To be one in a household of four who gives a crap about health and fitness isn’t good enough, and it is the primary reason for my bouts with failure as well as success. When other people care – I care. When they don’t, I don’t. Perhaps this is a hazard of being a woman and mother – we just want everyone else to be happy – and if that involved a giant pan of brownies with a side of ice cream, so be it.
It’s not right. It’s not healthy, and that’s not what I want to teach my children. I feel like a health-nut/Nazi sometimes with my obsession to learn about foods and try to tell/teach people. I want everyone to want better for themselves, and it’s frustrating that people just, well, don’t care enough. I’m stuck in the mud, it seems, waiting for someone to pull me out and show me how to do it. How can I do what I need to do without allowing the negative influences and temptations to pull me off course? How can anyone?
I want more. I want better. Better health than what I see and hear from my own parents and in-laws. I want longevity. Life. I am tired and frustrated when I hear that someone is sick and then seconds later how they’ve eaten a horrible meal that they perceive to be healthy. I want to know how to shut my mouth when I’m faced with that situation, and I want to know when it’s the right time to share my concerns with those people.
Most of all, though, I want to set an example for my children. I want to teach them what the school system won’t about nutrition, and I want them to think about food as fuel – and choose their fuel wisely.
It’s been a long haul. Where I am now is better than where I was, but where I want to go is still a ways off in the distance.
Hopefully, with a little help, encouragement, motivation – and maybe even knowing some of you know what I mean and will stand beside me, I’ll fight this battle a little stronger than before, and close that gap a little bit more every day.
Many thanks to Joey, for the poking and prodding.
