Hi, God. It’s me again. I just wanted to check in and review the day yesterday, because I’m a little concerned that I’m not “getting it”. I’m sure there’s a lesson to be learned in here somewhere, so if you’d just kindly point that out along the way, I’d really appreciate that.

It started off with a miserable headache, which is normal for a Monday, so you didn’t really shock me with that one. You know how I am when you throw two girly girl voices whining and bickering at the crack of dawn with the “boom boom boom” you had going on in my head, so I think the short temper was warranted, don’t you? I was thinking I had a free pass on that one.

I decided to forego the Weight Watchers weigh in, as well – since you blessed me with cramps and bloating, and I felt like the cousin to the beached whale I saw on the Discovery Channel the other night. I thought to myself, “Self, drink more water today – your water intake has been abnormally low. Increase it today, drink like a fish, and weigh in tomorrow. All will be well, and the bloating will subside”. I put my fat pants on and had a nice big dose of the “blech’s”.

After a while, when the pumpkin carvings were uploaded, the phone stopped ringing and the ibuprofen kicked in – I was sure that the day was going in a better direction. I even giggled a little when the furniture rental people showed up, again, to try to get their furniture back from my deadbeat neighbor. A little mid-morning snicker is always nice – thank you for that, God.

I decided I would invest that last hour or two staining up our massive construction project (I wasn’t ready to share it yet, now you’re going to leave my guests wondering what I’m talking about, not very considerate, you know). When I dumped the last of the stain out and returned to the room to view my handiwork, I was a little frustrated when those last two shelves you hid right out in plain sight jumped out at me – causing me to open up and mix a new can of stain, but I appreciated the fact that you had me buy that extra can while I was at the store. We’ll call it even on that one.

All I was doing was setting those tile into place, you know. When the second one cracked (Stone? Cracking? C’mon. I’m not that strong.) I gave up on the idea that the day was going to get as good as I wanted it to, so I grabbed my purse and made another run to Lowe’s. I sang your praises all the way to the store, watching squad cars zoom past me in the other direction – I even talked to you about whoever might be needing those squad cars, and asking you to take care of them. I’m not sure what happened there, but when I saw one of the cars involved on the way to pick up the girls, I knew you had to have been hanging out, otherwise those three teenagers probably wouldn’t have been standing upright looking upset about the events that had just transpired.

Boy, did I have to pee. What bad timing, with me and all that water – hung up in a line of traffic trying to turn left around the scene of a pretty bad accident. Harumpf.

The girls sat down to work on their homework and I was a little annoyed again. The bickering started as soon as our feet hit the concrete in the driveway. Can’t we all just get along? I made it to the bathroom, where I noticed “woops, I need to run to the store. I’m out of (Feminine Personal Hygiene Items), and the flood gates appear to be open.” I asked the girls to please hurry up with their homework so we could get to the store, and I returned to our construction project to glue down those last couple pieces of tile.

The feeling of having to pee and needing those FPHI’s was overwhelming me, fast.

Hubby arrived home, thank you for that, God – because I didn’t really want to run to the store with kids in tow, I would never have gotten out with only the items I needed. I threw a roasted chicken in the oven to re-heat and left in a rush to the store. I hurried through the store, suddenly feeling like I was going to wet my pants right there if I didn’t get a move-on, so thank you, God, for that self-checkout line and for making it work so quickly. I needed that.

I didn’t expect what happened next though, so, yeah – you got me! haha! (Not really that funny, though, you really honestly scared me a little. Okay, a lot.)

When I took my FPHI’s into the bathroom with me, I was surprised, to say the very least. No flood? What? What was I seeing then, if it wasn’t that? And then you showed me the answer, by turning my water into blood – if you know what I’m sayin’. Ouch. That hurt a little.

Thankfully, God, you have blessed me with a family who knows a lot about medicine and the human body. My sister urged me to seek medical attention (it went something like this: “You’re peeing blood? Get your butt to the ER, NOW” ) . and that’s when I knew, officially, that my day was not my own. Like I needed more signs than what you’d given me already. Sorry, God, I can be a little dense.

I rushed over to the Urgent Care clinic when suddenly, the urge to pee hit me again and I doubled over a bit. This scared people, and it also got me in to see a doctor much, much faster. I screamed in a cup, and scared them again so much that they sent me to the Hospital. Off I went.

My dear friend used her Pastor’s Wife Pass to be bored at my bedside while I waited among the dozen or two sick people who also apparently needed to learn a lesson on a Monday. Thank you, God, for putting that nurse in the hallway while I doubled over and hobbled to the nearest bathroom, because I doubt I would have been seen as fast if she hadn’t been there. Thank you for the levity, because the feeling of having a flat iron pressing your bladder to the point of bursting could have made me cry, but instead you managed to fill the time with humor and giggles. Thank you for giving the pharmacist and pharmacy staff the empathy required to fill my prescription as fast as humanly possible so that I could take my first dose right there at the cash register.

And thank you, God, for my husband, who took a batch of brownies out of the oven as I pulled into the driveway after a few hours of really, honestly? Sheer panic on my part.

Umm, and one more thing, God. If I bleed out of one more opening in my body I am going to stuff everything with cotton and stay in bed for a week. I promise.

Really – you knew all this on Sunday while I doodled my pumpkin carvings out in Your House, right? I thought you gave me those visions, really – I didn’t think you’d mind. All this on the night I was going to carve out those beautiful images you put in my head. I’m a little confused.

Well, God, that was about it for me, wondering what lesson I needed to learn in all of this and then – a call to my dear friend about some chaos going on in her life made me really aware that this? This blood and this pain and these drugs? Not so bad when you hold it up beside the tragedy that it could have been.

So thanks, God, for not letting it be worse. I appreciate that.

P.S. Is it okay if I carve my pumpkins today?

Love,

Me.