I’ve recently had the (cough) privilege (cough) of being informed that “it’s not all about me, despite what I may think.” And quite honestly (that was another trigger phrase used in the information packet I received) I have a few things to say about that.

Imagine that.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has ever heard this delicious little tidbit of news. But you know something? Those words are meant to puncture, they are meant to hurt - and above all else, they are WRONG.

If it isn’t about me, it’s gossip. It’s hearsay; conjecture. It’s not accurate information.

Think about it. If you have a blog, it’s all about you. It’s your blog - your space. Your opinion, your writing. We say things people can relate to, we say things others can benefit from. Some of us even use it as a means to DO things for other people. If people read it, if people come, then we assume they are interested. And we develop friendships.

If you have a Twitter account or a Facebook page, it’s all about you. If it’s not - what the heck is it? If you’re putting a bunch of stuff out there that isn’t about you, then all it is is your opinion, and you’d be am informant, or news reporter or somethin’.

If we’re having a chat and you’re talking, if you’re not helping me or offering me advice (YOUR opinion), you’re talking about you. If you’re talking about other people, excluding the people in the conversation, that is called GOSSIP. If you’re sharing information or news about your family, that’s you, with a touch of gossip (depending on the topic and/or person).

Why do we do this? Because we’re human, that’s why. We share. Well, okay, most of us share. And we share with the (obviously, in this case, idiotic) assumption that the other person is actually interested. And then we pause, and we wait for the other person to have their turn. And then, typically, we share our feelings, thoughts and ideas of what the other person has shared. THAT, people, is called friendship aka communication.

Insane, isn’t it?

The information you have about yourself is the only information you really have that is factual. The rest is perception, interpretation. So when you’re in the middle of sharing your feelings with someone, those words are as true as true gets. To imply to someone that what they’re sharing with you is arrogant and self-centered is just … wrong. On so many levels.

So the next time you share your feelings with someone and they turn around and tell you “it’s not all about you”, you just buck up and explain how “yes, indeed it IS about me.” And be okay with that. And also? Be okay with never sharing yourself with that person again, because they obviously don’t appreciate you as a person, or respect your feelings.

Patti Shaffer, aka “Mrs. P”, passed away on Easter Sunday after her battle with cancer.

She was my friend, and I loved her dearly.

I met Patti back when I first started blogging on LiveJournal, in 2003. She found me through a fellow artist, Carrie Hawks. I adored her at once.

Patti was my first official “fan” - she supported my work, encouraged my art and bought everything I created that she could afford. She became a trusted and loyal friend during my husband’s deployment to Iraq. We spent hours on the phone together talking about any and every topic that came up. I painted for her, we shared stories and a love for animals and nature. She and I clicked, and she had a special place in my heart.

Patti gave her time and heart to all animals; her passion evident in the time she poured into Cats Are People Too. She wrote to me and shared photos of cats that she rescued and could not bear to part with. I remember Emvie, an adorable little kitten who was thrown out of a moving vehicle and left for dead. She was trying to choose a name, and I thought “moving violation” - and MV - Emvie, was named. Through Patti, I donated paintings to help CAPT in their fundraising efforts.

Patti ran and maintained their website - and set up a donation page through JustGive.org. Please, if you’re inclined, send them a donation so they can continue their rescue work.

When her husband called yesterday with the sad news, my heart just broke. For her family, for her friends, for those cherished animals that she rescued, adored and nurtured back to health - my thoughts and prayers are with everyone whose life Patti touched with her incredibly giving, loving spirit.

Patti impacted my life in a profound way, and I am so honored to have had the opportunity to know her and call her my friend.

May she rest in peace.

When she was young, she had dreams. In her dreams, she was hardworking, successful, and organized.

In her reality, she was at the bottom of the totem pole. Unknown, she was shoved back down at every attempt to reach up, and get out.

With a lot of effort, she began a slow climb from up out of the shadows. Each rung of the ladder presented its own unique challenge; a new battle with herself to decide if this was high enough, or if she should continue ascending to another level.

At times, she felt melancholy. Consumed by the voices of negativity that welled up from deep within her. Like zombies in a pit, they grabbed at her feet to bring her back down into that place, the place where everyone reminded her she wasn’t worthy, she wasn’t good enough, and she didn’t know how.

Those times were the hardest for her. The nothingness swept through her mind, clouded her spirit and drained the life from her usually bright eyes. The battle raged on within, while those around her seemed to slowly back away, as if they felt it drawing them in, too.

Still, she fought on. She held on tightly to the small rays of light that filtered in through the darkness. She prayed. She knew, ultimately, that she would win this battle, just as she’d won those before, because the hand she reaches up to, the hand that is always reaching down to her, would be within her grasp soon.

In the dark, she closes her eyes and sees where she wants to be. Where she knows she’s meant to be. She can feel warmth on her face, and as she opens her eyes she feels a sense of peace rush over her as she’s lifted from that place again.

I’ve been continually verbally assaulted with birthday wishes and greetings from friends and family on Facebook today. Don’t you feel sorry for me? No? Well good. Because DANG if there’s a place on the internet where you feel really special on your b-day, Facebook is IT!! I just want to make a hot cup of cocoa and stare at my wall for a few hours. It’s that nice.

38. The big three-eight. What’s the big deal? Honestly, the older I get, the farther away from “old” I feel. The years may be whizzing right past me, and I might not remember your name, but darnit I’m always going to be 16 in my head. So what do you do on your 38th birthday? Appreciate the people who take the time to pop in on your day, have a piece of cake, and smile.

So this is me, smiling at you. Thanks for popping by.

And while you’re here, I’ll show you what I’ve been finalizing the last couple of days. This is a custom illustration of Ruby, a beautiful mixed breed pooch wearing a scarf. It’s in the proofing stage so there may be some tweaking but I have to say - Adobe Illustrator rocks so much. I previously drew my doodles in using PSP using my Wacom and the paintbrush tool. This time I used Adobe’s pen tool to piece the dog together in a hundred or so different shapes - and I love the pen tool! I can definitely see getting much more accomplished in the way of illustrating using AI in the future. Very cool.

Hope you’re staying warm - the polar bears are almost finished with the igloo they’ve been building in my back yard. I’ve got to run to the store to get some salmon. (Translation: It’s -40 something degrees here. I think everyone who lives in an area with these kinds of winters should automatically qualify for disability checks from the state for being mentally impaired. There. I said it.)

Happy New Year, friends! It’s a new day, a new year - and it’s ALL YOURS! I cannot express to you how much I wish I could reach into each of your lives and make all things go well for you this year.

Here are a few of the things I’d grant you, if I could:

• Peace. In your life, in your heart, in your mind. The kind of peace that makes you smile, just to feel it.
• Harmony. Between the people you love and those you interact with. That each interaction you have this year fill you up, that arguments fall to the wayside, that unpleasantries disappear.
• Love. Enough love to pass around, with no expectations, no conditions, and no judgment.
• Success. The success you seek in your personal life, in your professional life - that it be all that you need to sustain you and give you momentum.
• Creativity - of course. The eye to appreciate the things around you, the vision to see what could be, and the spark to make it happen.
• Passion. The passion you need to achieve your goals and find that which brings you to a better place, in your life and in your heart.

My wish for you is that each new day gives you more reason to look forward to the next, that the people around you see a new light in your eyes, and renewed confidence and spirit. That you remain invigorated, excited, and optimistic about yourself, your life, and the people who surround you.

Much love to you!!

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My daughter started reading this book, Life’s Golden Ticket, at Grandma’s house on Christmas day. She continued reading in the car on the way home, and sought out a quiet place and kept reading until she finished it later on that night. She brought it out to me and said “here mom, you have to read this book.”

Those of you who know me well know that I’m not much of a bookworm. If I find a series that I like, it sucks me in and I don’t come out until it’s finished - which doesn’t make me a very productive person! The last series that I read, Left Behind, did just that.

When Catybug suggested I read it, I looked at her face and saw the look. My mother-in-law had read it, my niece read it - they both recommended it as well. There was obviously something about this book that made her dive in and not stop until she’d reached the last page. She’s an avid reader - so that’s not unusual, but she never asks me to share her books with her.

She asked me a few times yesterday if I’d started reading it yet. She even set it on my desk. Then, after dinner, she moved it into the family room and set it on the side table next to “my spot” on the couch.

I picked it up - during an episode of House no less - and started the first chapter. It had me in the first few pages, and when midnight hit lastnight I was surprised that the book was over so soon. In just a few hours, I took a trip to another place with these characters, and I was absorbed and intrigued by the new, different view I had on life and people.

“Hey, listen, sometimes you got to call it like it is. There is no real you versus fake you. No real self versus fake self. You are who you are, wholly and completely. All your emotions and behaviors are a part of who you are now. Unless you accept every aspect of that, you’re lying to yourself. You’re avoiding yourself. Maybe you don’t like parts of who you are, portions of what you just saw, but those are portions and parts of you until you change them. You’ve got to admit that even the bad parts are parts of you. Otherwise, you’ll never change.”

* * * * *

“…you’ve got to stop the cycle. You can’t keep giving this behavior energy. You’ve got to refuse the path of least resistance. You’ve got to put the brakes on this behavior, or your same story of suffering will just keep looping over and over. It’s time you start expressing how you feel and what you want. That will start a new cycle for you. And you can’t just express yourself now and then. You’ve got to do it from now on. You’ve got to start building momentum - then you’ll be unstoppable. Just break the cycle of silence and suffering. Start a new cycle of strength by expressing to the world how you feel and what you want. It’s the only way you’ll ever live the life you want.”

There’s nothing more bold than seeing your life pass before your eyes while you’re reading a 208 page novel.

There’s also nothing better than finishing a book and talking about it with your child, asking them what positive and negative events might shape their present, and how you might address those negative events to better impact their future.

I imagine everyone who reads this book can identify with it. I was faced with the reality that I am not the only person who carries their past forward through behaviors and reactions. That I don’t consider how others pasts have shaped them, how we allow repeated negative impacts to impact us much more definitively than we allow the positive in our lives push us forward with new momentum.

How I wish I could get up on that tightrope and put one foot in front of the other, forging a new path, braving the height for the sake of change.

As the end of 2008 draws near, the timing of this story couldn’t be better. As I finished adding items to my portfolio this morning and finishing a couple of small projects, my mind kept spinning. Where do I want to go? What do I want to do? How can I make a bigger, better contribution to the world?

Now is the time to stop allowing the circumstances of my past to dictate my situation and get to work on becoming the person — the mother, artist and wife — that I want to be. To make that list of changes, to keep it in front of me and be ever mindful of how every action, and reaction, will determine my future.

I am really looking forward to 2009. How about you?

Do you see what I see? Snow. It’s been snowing today. I know, I know. It’s snowed up north, it’s snowed down south. It’s even snowed out east already. For us here in the Quad Cities, this is our first snow of the season. I think this officially marks the beginning of the winter season across the country.

Snow, people.

My schedule for the Christmas season is filling up rapidly, and I’ve spent the last few days working a bit on a photographer site design as well as moving my own site to another server (again).

When I launched my site restructure recently, I did it on an entirely different server with a new host. Well, it didn’t take more than 3 weeks to find out that host did NOT provide the service that I’ve come to expect from Blogs About, and I found myself missing them and appreciating them more than ever. It’s amazing, as a site and web-based business owner, how your hosting provider becomes such an integral part of your every day life. If the service is poor, it effects everything you do. If you have a lopsided hosting package, you quickly find out how limited you are and how backhanded hosting companies can be in an effort to squeeze those extra dollars from their clients. I’m so glad to be back with BA and relieved to know that my business won’t be disrupted by a simple influx of traffic.

Enough with the geek speak (but if you want to know more, just ask)!

I pulled my back out last Sunday morning, so I decided that while I was in pain and couldn’t twist at the waist or breathe deeply, that it was a perfect day for rearranging my bedroom! I hung some room darkening window treatments and Catybug helped me rotate the bed onto another wall. Later in the evening, I took some Aleve and she gave me a nice massage, and my pain subsided by Monday evening.

(You see how my week started.)

Then, the election. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

So, the last couple of days I’ve been restless and having nightmares. I’ve been trying (really hard!!!) to get my site moved over all while yawning and trying to keep my forehead off my desk.

I decided yesterday that I needed a pick-me-up, so I went and got my hair cut. I spoiled myself a little bit with a color, too. Then I came home, dressed up my eyes a little bit and had Chickeymonkey snap a few pics of my new do.

I’m finally happy with it - no more Princess Leah earmuff hair bob thing! It falls so nicely and the thickness that made me crazy has been greatly reduced.

It’s the little things, isn’t it?

This morning I felt like I had to pick my outfit based on my haircut. After talking with my BFF Paige (I love saying that) she said the same thing happened to her, so now I might need to go clothes shopping again. I couldn’t find a THING to wear that matched my hip new hairstyle! Of course I lie. I still have the sweater she bought me from Casual Corner back in 1986/87 when we bought matchy stuff in different colors to wear to school. And yes, I still wear it, too. (Paige, that’s where we got ‘em. Casual Corner!!!) Like I need new clothes.

haha.

Yes, well, give me a day or two to get all this crazy girl stuff out of my head and maybe, perhaps, you’ll have me back in the blogosphere, friends. I’ve missed you. I really have. I owe several of you links and awards, I have not forgotten.

I also need to update my blogroll, which is seriously outdated. Please let me know if you’re on it and if the link is good and/or if you’re not on it so I can get you on there.

Me, I’m going to go throw a sweater on, turn up the furnace a couple of degrees, and get back to work!

The drive was not as long as I thought it would be, about 6 hours from my house to Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. The scenery? UN-believable. What a beautiful time of year for that road trip! Illinois was boring until we got to Peoria, then boring again until we hit the St. Louis area. Thankfully, I had my mom in the car with me so I had plenty of entertainment! ha!!

We arrived Wednesday, late afternoon, and checked in to our hotels. I had chosen a dive, based on a completely misrepresented photo online - so reservationist beware. It cost me some bucks to cancel, and I did some begging for a room at a nicer place. I even got the military discount, without having my ID card. Whew! Thank God for small favors!

Much of my family made the trip, as well. Mark’s leave was canceled so he wasn’t able to come, but my Dad and his wife, my Mom, my sister and her family — and my brother all drove down to Missouri to see Brandi graduate from basic training. We met at a diner for dinner and yacked it up for a bit before heading back to get some sleep. We were up at Zero-Dark-Thirty (6AM, military style) to get together and yack more over coffee before heading to the base to wander around before the Graduation Ceremony.

If you combine this with this (and some days, this), you know what you get? Nope, the answer is not “a baby” or “a hilarious post that will surely make me send the link to all my friends so they can subscribe, too”. No. Of course not. You get this:

Granted, for many people this week is the PERFECT week for this look. For me? Notsomuch.

The feeling of sadness that the day has started before the dawn, and ended well after the sun has gone down is really difficult to explain. The frustration of getting last years jeans out of the closet? Oh jeez. Grab a bag of Oreo’s and a tub of ice cream and let’s cry into our napkins for a few hours. The leaves? Gorgeous. From the inside. The smell of stale furnace air? Has my sinuses in a tizzy. The lack of beautiful flowers to look at, vegetables to pick from my garden and birds outside the window?

Let’s just say I’m one of those that’s going to need to start saving early for winters in Florida.

Now, I can appreciate those who love the fall, and even those who love the winter. I’m not one for either. I moved here for my husband, I stay here for the kids. If I had my way, we’d be in sunny San Diego, still. I’d be barefoot right now - and the heaviest jacket in my closet would be a windbreaker. Yes, that’s the life for me. Ocean waves crashing up onto the shoreline. The sound of seagulls cawing at the crack of dawn.

If someone could just put together that “sunrise simulator” including these elements, that would be GREAT! Until then, I’ll just (try to) keep my mouth shut, lest I put my foot in it.

Do any of you suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)? What do you do? Bake a batch of cookies? Oh, wait. That’s a symptom, not a cure. (And I’ve already tried it.)