Leanne Wildermuth : Artist by Nature

My Golden Ticket

December

2008

My daughter started reading this book, Life’s Golden Ticket, at Grandma’s house on Christmas day. She continued reading in the car on the way home, and sought out a quiet place and kept reading until she finished it later on that night. She brought it out to me and said “here mom, you have to read this book.”

Those of you who know me well know that I’m not much of a bookworm. If I find a series that I like, it sucks me in and I don’t come out until it’s finished – which doesn’t make me a very productive person! The last series that I read, Left Behind, did just that.

When Catybug suggested I read it, I looked at her face and saw the look. My mother-in-law had read it, my niece read it – they both recommended it as well. There was obviously something about this book that made her dive in and not stop until she’d reached the last page. She’s an avid reader – so that’s not unusual, but she never asks me to share her books with her.

She asked me a few times yesterday if I’d started reading it yet. She even set it on my desk. Then, after dinner, she moved it into the family room and set it on the side table next to “my spot” on the couch.

I picked it up – during an episode of House no less – and started the first chapter. It had me in the first few pages, and when midnight hit lastnight I was surprised that the book was over so soon. In just a few hours, I took a trip to another place with these characters, and I was absorbed and intrigued by the new, different view I had on life and people.

“Hey, listen, sometimes you got to call it like it is. There is no real you versus fake you. No real self versus fake self. You are who you are, wholly and completely. All your emotions and behaviors are a part of who you are now. Unless you accept every aspect of that, you’re lying to yourself. You’re avoiding yourself. Maybe you don’t like parts of who you are, portions of what you just saw, but those are portions and parts of you until you change them. You’ve got to admit that even the bad parts are parts of you. Otherwise, you’ll never change.”

* * * * *

“…you’ve got to stop the cycle. You can’t keep giving this behavior energy. You’ve got to refuse the path of least resistance. You’ve got to put the brakes on this behavior, or your same story of suffering will just keep looping over and over. It’s time you start expressing how you feel and what you want. That will start a new cycle for you. And you can’t just express yourself now and then. You’ve got to do it from now on. You’ve got to start building momentum – then you’ll be unstoppable. Just break the cycle of silence and suffering. Start a new cycle of strength by expressing to the world how you feel and what you want. It’s the only way you’ll ever live the life you want.”

There’s nothing more bold than seeing your life pass before your eyes while you’re reading a 208 page novel.

There’s also nothing better than finishing a book and talking about it with your child, asking them what positive and negative events might shape their present, and how you might address those negative events to better impact their future.

I imagine everyone who reads this book can identify with it. I was faced with the reality that I am not the only person who carries their past forward through behaviors and reactions. That I don’t consider how others pasts have shaped them, how we allow repeated negative impacts to impact us much more definitively than we allow the positive in our lives push us forward with new momentum.

How I wish I could get up on that tightrope and put one foot in front of the other, forging a new path, braving the height for the sake of change.

As the end of 2008 draws near, the timing of this story couldn’t be better. As I finished adding items to my portfolio this morning and finishing a couple of small projects, my mind kept spinning. Where do I want to go? What do I want to do? How can I make a bigger, better contribution to the world?

Now is the time to stop allowing the circumstances of my past to dictate my situation and get to work on becoming the person — the mother, artist and wife — that I want to be. To make that list of changes, to keep it in front of me and be ever mindful of how every action, and reaction, will determine my future.

I am really looking forward to 2009. How about you?

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Filed under: It's Personal.

Sn…oh no. I’m not ready.

November

2008

Do you see what I see? Snow. It’s been snowing today. I know, I know. It’s snowed up north, it’s snowed down south. It’s even snowed out east already. For us here in the Quad Cities, this is our first snow of the season. I think this officially marks the beginning of the winter season across the country.

Snow, people.

My schedule for the Christmas season is filling up rapidly, and I’ve spent the last few days working a bit on a photographer site design as well as moving my own site to another server (again).

When I launched my site restructure recently, I did it on an entirely different server with a new host. Well, it didn’t take more than 3 weeks to find out that host did NOT provide the service that I’ve come to expect from Blogs About, and I found myself missing them and appreciating them more than ever. It’s amazing, as a site and web-based business owner, how your hosting provider becomes such an integral part of your every day life. If the service is poor, it effects everything you do. If you have a lopsided hosting package, you quickly find out how limited you are and how backhanded hosting companies can be in an effort to squeeze those extra dollars from their clients. I’m so glad to be back with BA and relieved to know that my business won’t be disrupted by a simple influx of traffic.

Enough with the geek speak (but if you want to know more, just ask)!

I pulled my back out last Sunday morning, so I decided that while I was in pain and couldn’t twist at the waist or breathe deeply, that it was a perfect day for rearranging my bedroom! I hung some room darkening window treatments and Catybug helped me rotate the bed onto another wall. Later in the evening, I took some Aleve and she gave me a nice massage, and my pain subsided by Monday evening.

(You see how my week started.)

Then, the election. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

Leanne Wildermuth So, the last couple of days I’ve been restless and having nightmares. I’ve been trying (really hard!!!) to get my site moved over all while yawning and trying to keep my forehead off my desk.

I decided yesterday that I needed a pick-me-up, so I went and got my hair cut at the Boulder Hair Salon. I spoiled myself a little bit with a color, too. Then I came home, dressed up my eyes a little bit and had Chickeymonkey snap a few pics of my new do.

I’m finally happy with it – no more Princess Leah earmuff hair bob thing! It falls so nicely and the thickness that made me crazy has been greatly reduced.

It’s the little things, isn’t it?

This morning I felt like I had to pick my outfit based on my haircut. After talking with my BFF Paige (I love saying that) she said the same thing happened to her, so now I might need to go clothes shopping again. I couldn’t find a THING to wear that matched my hip new hairstyle! Of course I lie. I still have the sweater she bought me from Casual Corner back in 1986/87 when we bought matchy stuff in different colors to wear to school. And yes, I still wear it, too. (Paige, that’s where we got ’em. Casual Corner!!!) Like I need new clothes.

haha.

Yes, well, give me a day or two to get all this crazy girl stuff out of my head and maybe, perhaps, you’ll have me back in the blogosphere, friends. I’ve missed you. I really have. I owe several of you links and awards, I have not forgotten.

I also need to update my blogroll, which is seriously outdated. Please let me know if you’re on it and if the link is good and/or if you’re not on it so I can get you on there.

Me, I’m going to go throw a sweater on, turn up the furnace a couple of degrees, and get back to work!

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Filed under: Chit Chat, It's Personal., Technicalities

Army Graduation Photos

November

2008

ft leonard wood leonardwood army base entrance sign photo Leanne Wildermuth

The drive was not as long as I thought it would be, about 6 hours from my house to Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. The scenery? UN-believable. What a beautiful time of year for that road trip! Illinois was boring until we got to Peoria, then boring again until we hit the St. Louis area. Thankfully, I had my mom in the car with me so I had plenty of entertainment! ha!!

We arrived Wednesday, late afternoon, and checked in to our hotels. I had chosen a dive, based on a completely misrepresented photo online – so reservationist beware. It cost me some bucks to cancel, and I did some begging for a room at a nicer place. I even got the military discount, without having my ID card. Whew! Thank God for small favors!

Much of my family made the trip, as well. Mark’s leave was canceled so he wasn’t able to come, but my Dad and his wife, my Mom, my sister and her family — and my brother all drove down to Missouri to see Brandi graduate from basic training. We met at a diner for dinner and yacked it up for a bit before heading back to get some sleep. We were up at Zero-Dark-Thirty (6AM, military style) to get together and yack more over coffee before heading to the base to wander around before the Graduation Ceremony.

Keep reading »

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Filed under: Home n' Hearth, It's Personal., My Fondest Memories

I Want To Blog, But…

October

2008

If you combine this with this (and some days, this), you know what you get? Nope, the answer is not “a baby” or “a hilarious post that will surely make me send the link to all my friends so they can subscribe, too”. No. Of course not.

Granted, for many people this week is the PERFECT week for this look. For me? Notsomuch.

The feeling of sadness that the day has started before the dawn, and ended well after the sun has gone down is really difficult to explain. The frustration of getting last years jeans out of the closet? Oh jeez. Grab a bag of Oreo’s and a tub of ice cream and let’s cry into our napkins for a few hours. The leaves? Gorgeous. From the inside. The smell of stale furnace air? Has my sinuses in a tizzy. The lack of beautiful flowers to look at, vegetables to pick from my garden and birds outside the window?

Let’s just say I’m one of those that’s going to need to start saving early for winters in Florida.

Now, I can appreciate those who love the fall, and even those who love the winter. I’m not one for either. I moved here for my husband, I stay here for the kids. If I had my way, we’d be in sunny San Diego, still. I’d be barefoot right now – and the heaviest jacket in my closet would be a windbreaker. Yes, that’s the life for me. Ocean waves crashing up onto the shoreline. The sound of seagulls cawing at the crack of dawn.

If someone could just put together that “sunrise simulator” including these elements, that would be GREAT! Until then, I’ll just (try to) keep my mouth shut, lest I put my foot in it.

Do any of you suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)? What do you do? Bake a batch of cookies? Oh, wait. That’s a symptom, not a cure. (And I’ve already tried it.)

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Filed under: It's Personal.

My Own Little Web

September

2008

tiny spider in center web net leanne wildermuth

This spider was sitting in the center of its web, at the intersection of the badminton netting in the backyard. He was not even as big as the tip of my pinky – Catybug noticed him and pointed him out to me.

He had woven this cute miniature web to catch cute miniature bugs, and live a teeny tiny life in this teeny tiny space he called his own. In a world full of bigger bugs, he seemed just fine with his size and location. Funny, how that works, how his place is just as valid as everyone else’s.

I have been busily preparing my own new little web. It is coming along quite nicely and I hope to have it ready by next week. It involves a total overhaul of my site, reorganization of categories, templates and my shop.

Among many of the other things I have been busy with, one thing that has changed quite drastically is that I’ve resigned my position as a freelance (blog/site) designer for EWebscapes. I am still tossing around the level at which I will make myself available for blog design – I will still offer it on my own, but I will not be taking on such a broad range of clientele. My goal, ultimately, is to retain creative license in the things that I do.

To those of you who have so patiently waited beside me through this time, thank you. I am really grateful and glad to have the opportunity to work on paintings in my studio full time again! Particularly during today’s stresses and worries, because there is such a sense of calm, peace and beauty that comes from nature.

So, though things may be quiet on my blog for a few more days while I get things set up, know that I’m busy behind the scenes weaving my cute little web in the center of my net. I can’t wait to share it with you!

Upon relaunch, I will be working on a custom cat portrait and a few other beautiful paintings. I’m very excited about that!

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Filed under: It's Personal., The Photog in Me

Making a Spectacle of Myself

September

2008

As promised, here’s me in my new specs! They’re going to take some getting used to, of course. When I walked out of the clinic they immediately transitioned to the sunglasses which was SUPER cool – but they’re slow to transition back so there’s a bit of a tint left over. Still, overall, I like ’em. What do you think?

old glasses leanne wildermuth new glasses leanne wildermuth

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Filed under: It's Personal.

“Spec”tacular Coincidence!

September

2008

On September 3rd, I had my annual eye exam. It was a normal exam, nothing unusual about it other than they dilated my eyes and I had green eye gunk (and post nasal drip) for the rest of the day. I know, too much information. You’ll have to deal with it, my blog, my story.

So. My prescription changed just slightly, and new specs were on my horizon. Oh, how I love the opportunity to change my appearances with a pair of frames! I opted to come back later that day, after my vision returned to normal and my pupils didn’t make me look like some alien being, taking up my whole eyeball and all.

After I picked up the girls from school, we returned to the clinic. The girls loved having so much say-so over my new look, and made me try on at least 50 different frames. I had collected my faves along the way – and it wasn’t until we reached the very last section of girly frames that my heart went pitter-patter. I had never heard of this brand before, all I knew is these frames were cool. And I mean, I loved every pair of them. My kids did, too. I picked my favorites and I kinda knew – I mean, I had a sit down in front of a mirror and ran through all my choices again but I just knew the last pair, this new brand, they’d be the ones.

And they were.

I ordered them, lenses with all the fixin’s (or so I thought) and got a little excited about their arrival. They came, I saw, there was glare, they went. I’m waiting for them, again. They’ll be here later today or tomorrow, probably, as I forgot to get the anti-reflective coating on the lenses. My bad. And glare? Sucks.

So here I am telling my husband about them this weekend, because he hadn’t seen them on me. He got the impression that they were those new “hip” retro frames that would make me look all crazy 60’s kinda, so I did a quick google to see if I could find them, and sure enough, I did.

And when I did, I gasped. Could it be? These frames were meant for me. I’m serious. Let me show you:

So yeah, they’re cool and I know – you want to see them on me. I’ll show you when they arrive. Pinki swear. (She says, with fingers crossed.) So they’re called Heliconia, and just in case you can’t see the blurb, here’s a closer-up view of that:

A Waste of Perfectly Good Tears.

September

2008

I cried yesterday more and harder than I’ve cried in quite a while. When the sobs subsided, all I had to show for it were a headache, puffy eyes, and a stuffy nose.

When’s the last time you cried, and why do we do this to ourselves?

P.S. I love you. Thank you for your concern, I’m okay now. 🙂

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Filed under: It's Personal.

Incredible

September

2008

Though I very rarely, write about politics on my blog – I woke up to two unsubscription notifications in my mailbox, and a drop in feed subscribers. I find that incredibly sad, particularly since I make it a point to accept everyone’s differing opinions, and I could never see myself ditching someone purely based on their political views. As an artist, I am pretty liberal. I’m not just an artist, though, I am a Christian, a Mother, a business owner, and the wife of a Staff Sergeant in the Illinois Army National Guard. I have the luxury of being able to see things from various perspectives, and the disadvantage of being lumped into a category of stupid people that don’t get it.

Over the course of 4 years I’ve only talked politics on one or two other occasions when it didn’t relate to my husband’s service in Iraq. If your choice to part ways with me is a political one, I am very sorry that you feel that it’s a topic divisive enough not to disregard as a differing view.

< -- end politics -->

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Filed under: It's Personal.