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  • Life, Love, and Critters – of course!

    What do you wanna know?

    June
    30
    2007

    Maybe you’ve been wanting to pick my brain about something lately, ask me what you might think is a silly question? Not that I’m Dear Abby or anything, but I do have some stuff hidden away in this cranium of mine that might make it fun for you to pick through.

    If you’ve been wondering about anything art related (I get emails asking me how to paint grass. I do.), anything blog related (yes, you should upgrade to the most recent version of WordPress. I will even share the link to the “how to upgrade” page if you can’t find it and need to know that) – anything design related, anything photography related – anything at all. Ask in comments, and I’ll update this entry with my reply.

    I’m happy to share whatever technical knowledge I’ve learned, as well as the resources I learned them through.

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    Filed under: Chit Chat

  • The Face Behind The Blog

    June
    27
    2007

    david dairey the face behind the blog memeShelly at This Eclectic Life tagged me to participate in The Face Behind The Blog meme. Shelly has a great collection of old photographs from her childhood days – now I don’t have that many in my possession, but I’ll do my best.

    Here’s how it goes, in the words of the originator, David:

    “Post a short blog article that includes a photograph (or a series of photos) showing the face behind your blog. If you already show a photo somewhere on your site (such as in your about page), then make your post more interesting and choose a photo that’s not currently online. Include links to other people that have displayed a photo, or include their photos in your post, adding a reference. A link back to David’s post is much appreciated, to help create a more personal community! Then tag as many others as you like in your post to spread the meme. Each person tagged should create their own post and repeat the process.”

    200pic1.jpgAlrightie then. Lemme see here. It all started out when I was a wee munchkin in a suit with a.. mom? What did you put on me? Is that a TIE? Ohhh the 70’s. It’s not my fault, my mommy made me do it. At least I’m wearing a skirt, I think? I don’t really know. But I’m cute, eh? I had those grandma-pinchy cheeks. Yep, the grandma’s loved me. The dad? Not so much. He bailed not long after this photo was taken. Can you believe it? I’m so stinkin’ cute, how could he leave? ::resisting urge to pinch my own baby cheeks::

    Completely skipping those awkward years of my youth because thankfully, those photos are in mom’s house, somewhere, and I am really fine with that. They can be lost, or found and burned – whatever works. I’m good. You know what I looked like at my Senior Prom – and that’s all that really matters, right?

    200pic2.jpg Skipping right on up to my late teens – early twenties (just saying that makes me feel old), when I lived in the beautiful sunny San Diego area. Aaah, those were the days. See how happy I am with my Super Big Hair? I loved living in California. I met one of my dearest friends there, after having worked with her for several months thinking she was a snotty valley girl – and here all along she thought I was a big B-word. Funny how first impressions can be so wrong! She and I hung out on Oceanside beach and Carlsbad.

    200pic3.jpgI can’t even begin to describe how much I loved living in California. I can still hear the sound of the waves crashing up onto those rocks, and I can smell the Pacific like it’s embedded in my sinuses. I miss living on the West Coast very much!

    At the time, I worked in Accounting. Can you believe it? I can’t. I’m horrible with numbers. I always say “that’s why God made calculators!” I worked hard, though, even though my brain hurt and recovery 200pic5.jpgdid require lots of cheap grocery store wine at the end of the day. Just kidding. I wasn’t a lush, but I did have a much more relaxed and carefree lifestyle while we were living there.

    All of these photos were taken by my friend Erin. Our men were both in the Marine Corps so we had a lot of fun getting gussied up and taking photos for them while they were on duty. I was even wearing her clothes at the time, which was cool because I always wanted to wear something smaller than a size 10. That only happened for like 6 months out of my whole entire life, and only because I sucked my gut in really really hard. She took the photos in black and white so you couldn’t see how my face was turning blue from holding my breath in.

    200pic6.jpg And then. I should just have you caption this photo for me. The winner would be something like “And then she moved back to the midwest.” or “Illinois. Takes the Cali right out of a girl.” You know, something gloomy and snowy that makes you want to grow your hair out long and wear college sweatshirts and put static guard on your hair in the fall and winter. Why am I showing you this? Just to show you folks on the West Coast what will happen if you move to the Midwest. You’ll completely forget how laid back and sensible life can be, and you’ll become one of those corn growers who doesn’t know how to put an infinitive in front of a verb. You’ll start saying things like “My hair needs cut.” instead of “My hair needs TO BE cut.” I swear, “to be” or not “to be” is never a question around here.

    200pic7.jpg Aaah getting settled in, chopping the hair off, adding a dog and then a kid to the brood, life is good. Chloe came first in 1993, then Catybug was born in 1996. The two of them got along famously as you can tell, Chloe guarded us even from that scary clickity thing that daddy was pointing at us. Then she smiled pretty because she realized she was on candid camera, and she was a smart girl. We’re coming up on the one year mark of having lost our first baby girl, so expect another mushy gushy kleenex getter of a post.

    200pic8.jpg Like I mentioned, we live on the Mighty Muddy Mississippi. We’re not allowed to feed those ducks anymore – can you believe that? Apparently a goose scared the crap out of a person, instead of the other way around, so now they’ve prohibited any of the good old traditions of going down to the river to feed the ducks. Catybug and I giggled a lot that day.

    200pic10.jpgThis is one of my favorite photos, but mom would have a meltdown if she saw her winky smiley face on the internet, so I blurred up her face some just to make her feel better. She’s really cute (go see her here, she actually doesn’t mind that one being on the web!) – I would have cut and pasted her head but boy that would have looked wierd. I got this great upright piano from a gal I worked with who was going to lose it to the burn pile if she didn’t find a home for it. I love having mom and my sisters over, we all sit around and play chopsticks and songs from when we were kids – and my mom also plays Grandma teacher with Catybug now, too. It’s a wonderful thing, those memories of playing the piano when I was a kid. I still know one or two songs from my childhood, too.

    200pic11.jpgI don’t think anyone who visits my blog has seen me pregnant. So TA-DA, here I am, pregnant with our little Chickeymonkey. Yes I gained like three hundred pounds and we had to install that backing up beeper on my rear end so I wouldn’t crash into people when I moved around. Sheesh. Yeah, pregnancy is beautiful – when it’s over and you’re reminiscing about it. This is me and my hubby on our second wedding day. The second marriage, I mean. And boy am I pregnant. Woah. Where’s the beach? Maybe you should just cover your eyes and scroll down now? That would be good. Thanks.

    leanne wildermuthThe Chickster wouldn’t let me get a photo of the two of us together, making things all even between sisters and all that – so I leave you with my most current photo from a couple of weeks ago. This is me, folks, in my studio. After all these years, I’m doing what I love to do. I’m creative every day, I get to be with my kids, I get to enjoy my home and my life and I get to savor it at a slower pace.

    And that concludes my “short blog article that includes a photograph (or a series of photos)”. What is short, anyway? I don’t even want to know the word count on this entry. It’s probably longer than a whole month worth of entries all put together.

    Who to tag?! Now I’m supposed to choose some people to do this. I can tell you who I’d like to see doing this – people who haven’t shared pics of themselves very often, if ever. I’m not going to tag anyone, though. I’m going to ask that if you’ve made it this far, and if this is something you’d like to do, please let me know and I’ll link to you.

    * * * * * * * * * *
    Include links to other people that have displayed a photo, or include their photos in your post, adding a reference. Here are the others who have participated so far:


    Char at Essential Keystrokes

    Zep at The In-Sect
    Ingo at Stixster

    Stevie at Lost In Cyberspace


    Wendy Piersall at eMoms at Home





    Dave Olson at Live the GREAT life that you desire
    Greg at Become a Remote Control SEO


    Armen at iFFECT.NET




    Lisa Gates at intrinsic life design



    Adam Kayce at Monk at Work

    Tammy Lenski at I Can’t Say That!






    Steve at Ramblings from the Marginalized
    Troy Worman at on!blog
    Lilith at Lilith’s Owl Nest

    Revov at REVO-OVER


    Derrick Sorles at Life By Design
    Ken Xu at Mysites Advisor dot com

    Roberta at Roberta Ferguson


    Ingrid at Through My Eyes
    Don Lawson at Affiliate Watcher







    Faddy at Girl Next Door
    Thess at In Nederland

    Suzie at 1Day@ATime



    Skipper at My Life Starts At Forty-Two
    Seiche at Seiche
    Leah at Leah’s Cafe

    Josie at Josie Two Shoes
    Dr Ellen Webber at Brain Based Business
    Mika at Text Unlimited
    Nell at Tales of a Melodramatic Moron

    Pen at the pen is mightier than the sword

    Jamie at Terinea Weblog


    K at K, speaking!

    Chase at Queer Chef
    Hanne at Lucid Unreality
    Jill at Gelb9
    Tish at The Kat House

    Jessica at Life is RANTastic!

    Logtar at Logtar’s Blog
    Julie at TeacherJulie.com
    Wilson at Get it Funk

    Sue at Life in the Urban Zoo
    Isabelle at Tricotine

    Alternati at Sarcasm Aside
    Mousey at Sasha Says
    Diana at Nazarene Family Services

    Jen at Expat Travels
    Meeyauw at meeyauw

    Tammi at Drawing on Words
    Jams at The Poor Mouth
    Mar at maremagnum

    Karen Delaney at A Strange Life
    Lynnette at The Fun Times Guide

    Trish at Incoherent-ish
    Lisa at Lisa C Writes
    Becky at Becky’s Nook

    Dora at Peppylady
    Renny at RennyBA’s Terella

    Autumn at Autumn’s Meadow
    Jen at Jen’s Horde

    Sandy Carlson at Writing in Faith
    Captain Lifecruiser at Sea Lifecruiser
    Trinity at Rooms of My Heart

     

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    Filed under: A Lil' History

  • People Like Me!

    June
    27
    2007

    My sweet friend YellowRose managed to make me blush the other day, sayin’ all kinds of nice things about me and adorning me with this nifty pink shiny button that you can’t even click on, because it doesn’t go anywhere. heh! Go ahead now, hover and click to be sure, I know you want to. (And you better admit if you did. I need the chuckle.)

    Most often, I really don’t feel deserving of such an award. I mean I scrape by here by the skin of my fingertips – hoping for some eyes to pour over my words that see things the same way I do. That’s all a girl can really hope for in the blogosphere, you know? I’m not a writer, I’m a visual artist. So for my words to make sense to someone is super cool to me – and I’m flattered that people take the time to read the words I type as much as I am that you like the designs and art that I create.

    This is the part where I tell you that there are other more amazing bloggers who really make me want to read what they write – theirs are the words I write vicariously in my dreams of being a more prolifically wordy blogger who garners the attention of the readers of the blogosphere, the ones who like a good long story and don’t stop reading until it’s over.

    Passing on the torch to five of my (not all inclusive) favorites:

    1. MommaK : MommaK rocks. She has the wit and sarcasm that I love and can totally relate to – and deep down she’s a huge soft sqwishy hearted fiercely loyal friend.
    2. Robin : Robin has a way of writing that makes you feel like you’ve got her on the phone. WYSIWYG. I love that, because I’m the very same way.
    3. Lisa @ The Shizzle : Lisa can manage to add a touch of hilarity to any given situation, and with her huge family – that’s a requirement. She has to have the shoulders of a linebacker. Seriously. I admire her strength and wisdom, and patience. Because you need a lot of patience with that many kids.
    4. Laura @ VitaminSea : I pink puffy heart Laura because when I go there, I feel like I just popped over for coffee on her patio.
    5. Nancy : Nancy is smart and has a nurturing way about her, I always feel my spirit lifted up when I visit with her through her blog or in email. She’s a wonderful person to know.

    There you have it. Go, visit, and let them know they rock, because they really, really do!

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    Filed under: Hahaha! That's Funny.

  • I’m not that fancy.

    June
    24
    2007

    markleanne1989.jpg  markleanne2007.jpg
    1989                                2007
    We may look like a fancy couple, but half of us is perfectly good with hanging out barefoot in Hanes t-shirts, Levi’s and drinking Kool-Aid from a pink plastic tumbler. Yeah, that’d be me. I just clean up good for the camera, is all.

    Yesterday we celebrated our wedding anniversary. And when I say celebrate, I mean we basically hung out all day at home, he tidied up Cocoa’s cage while I put fifty trillion braids in my girls’ hair while singing loudly to Martina McBride’s new CD.

    When I reminded Catybug it was our anniversary, she said “which one?” because we have so many. We note every important event in our lives on the calendar and use it as a reason to go out and have dinner at a fancy restaurant. No. Seriously. We’ve been married twice. Yes, you read that right. It’s confusing enough that I didn’t know what I was doing the first time – now I have to try to figure it out again, AND remember another date on top of it. What’s most confusing is how we just lump all of the years together overall, instead of trying to figure out how long we were together, then apart, then together. That’s just silly, and it’s also a reminder that we don’t know what we’re doing. Who needs that? And where’s my Kool-Aid?

    To celebrate our whatever anniversary number it is, my fancy husband got all dressed up in his shiny shoes and took me out to dinner. I had to whip out my calculator and subtract 2007 minus 1989 before we left, though, to figure out how many years I can still proudly admit that I’m just as confused now as I was then. That’s 18 years. I should get an award, really.

    We arrived at Portabella’s Italian Bistro (because I love Italian food, but I never get any because my family is crazy and doesn’t like cooked tomatoes in their food) and we were greeted by a vacant stare from the only couple in the place. How charming! I was quickly distracted by the water fountain, and stuck my finger on the concrete glazing ball thing to disrupt the flow of water. OoooOOoh. That’s COOL.

    Then some cute guy in a white shirt and black pants came up and asked us if we had a reservation. I looked around and thought – woah. We need one? You should pay us for being here, really. heh. My husband in all his shiny black shoe-ness handled the situation with class, and I just giggled and rolled my eyes. We were seated in a booth, and my hubby started to browse through the drink menu. I snatched it from him pretty quickly and chose a Merlot – and what happened after that was what proved to me that I am just not that fancy.

    The waiter, matire d’, whatever title he’d like to have- brought our wine. He presented the bottle all charming and stuff and said it was a 2000 Grand Archer Merlot and blah blah blah he popped the cork while I gazed at the menu. Then I noticed he handed the cork to my hubby, who was supposed to sniff it – LMBO! Sniff cork? Who sniffs cork? What’s the point of the cork sniffing? I sniffed the cork and it doesn’t smell anything like the wine. I am not sure of the significance of that, but I’m no wine connoisseur. Obviously. He poured a little wine, my hubby tasted it, nodded, and then our waiter poured into my glass. I’m not kidding – he held the bottle of wine like he was dipping a baby’s head into a bowl to Christen him. That’s fancy.

    So I took my first sip, and Wee! It was very alcoholic! I haven’t had alcohol in a long, long time. You could tell I was out of my element, because I grabbed my fork and started taking ice out of my ice water and dumping it into my wine glass to chill it. You know, like the stuff you get at the grocery store, you just keep it in the fridge, right?

    Except ice in a fancy wine tastes really, really yucky. I won’t tell you how fast I drank that glass just to get a fresh room temperature refill.

    We had some amazing appetizers, the Bruschetta trio (bruschetta topped with different stuff, like goat cheese and reduced balsamic vinegar – yum) – and then of course the focaccia with herb infused olive oil and parmesan. I was in my danger zone with all of those carbs, and with the wine – my mouth was on fast forward.

    I ordered the Chef’s Signature Creation, Pork Osso Bucco.

    “Tender jumbo pork shank glazed with a light caramel-thyme demi glace served with our house garlic smashed potatoes and fresh vegetable, a must try item.. “

    Woah. It doesn’t say anywhere in here that you get a half a pig. Okay so it does say “jumbo” but how was I to know it would be an extra-large pig? When our waiter set my plate in front of me, I had the immediate desire to put down my fork and knife and pick the thing up like a chicken leg and start gnawing the meat off like a cave woman. It could have been the wine, of course. I’m going to blame it on the wine. Part of me wanted to ask for the reduced balsamic squirty bottle so I could sign my name on the other half of the charger this thing was dished out in. “Leanne was here.” or “Came. Saw. Drooled. Ate like the pig she ordered.”

    I’m sure by the end of our date my poor well mannered hubby thought back to the good old days and wished we’d just stopped at the Taco Bell drive through, instead.

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    Filed under: Home n' Hearth

  • How do you say it?

    June
    16
    2007

    I’m sure you’ve all made up a new word or two – either from mispronouncing, from having children, or just for the fun of it, right? We’ve managed to successfully implement a few fun words into our family vocabulary, and I’d like to share them with you.

    1. Dinareenah : this is a personal family favorite, because that runny stuff just isn’t pleasant. Why not make it just a little fun?
    2. Zookini : Better than a one piece, I’ll tell you that. You might need a cover up, though, so’s you don’t spoil.
    3. Hopsipsul : Where you go to have babies, and get your tonsils out.
    4. Beeputer or Pitter : The box you’re using to get on the internet.
    5. Hupme : When you wanna be picked up.
    6. Absofruitley : Yes.
    7. Froo Froops or Froopoops: Only the best cereal ever.
    8. Confoozed : Crazier than kung-fu. You wouldn’t understand.
    9. Prenzel : A little stick pretzel just for kids.
    10. Jabar : A big black cat, that doesn’t have any dots.
    11. Schwirrel : That fluffy little tree rat I so adore.
    12. Shreekit : A loud whisper that everyone can hear.
    13. Cowboys : Bad Boys are skeert of ’em.
    14. Skeert : Very, very afraid.
    15. Vacannoom : The powerful dirt picker upper.
    16. Sim-Sims : Better than the Simpson’s.
    17. Sweats : Those sugary little candies. MmmM.
    18. Keetchy : Where the figerater is.
    19. Figerater : It keeps food in the keetchy cold.
    20. Merrrrrr! : Gimme dat!
    21. Got a good one? Do share. I’ll add more as they pop up!

    Your turn – what crazy words have you replaced in your own vocabulary?

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    Filed under: Chit Chat

  • Coons!

    June
    15
    2007

    Back in December one of my paintings, Coon, was published on the cover of the Journal of American Veterinary Medical Association, or JAVMA. I wrote about it here, if you want to have a look.

    The other day, I received a photo from one of my clients who purchased a large print of that painting after she saw it on the cover. It is just too cute not to share!

    Meet Rhonda, Flicka and Kismet. Aren’t they adorable? Rhonda gave me permission to show you her lovely self with her babies (thank you, Rhonda!) – and I have to admit, I love seeing photos of my artwork hanging up in their homes around their owners. That says to me “I look at this all the time, and still love it!” I love that. It’s way better than those photos of my artwork in the dumpster with ketchup splattered on the cracked glass. Those hurt, man. (j/k, that hasn’t happened. I swear.)

    Rhonda also shared this other photo of her babies, checking for bugs. They’ve grown a bit but aren’t they the cutest little guys? They look pretty darn thorough. She could charge for their services, really. I would hire them in a heartbeat.

    I get so mushy gushy when I get the privilege of sharing the love that my clients feel over their animals and pets. It’s a whole different level of love and compassion, I think. One that makes most people say “Huh? What do you care? It’s just a squirrel.” (I’m just sayin’, for example, you know.) It’s a special bond between human and animals that only other animal lovers can really understand. It’s such a cool thing.

    < -- This is where you pretend I've gone into a long emotional discourse about the relationship between people and critters, nod and think "yeah, I know exactly what you mean." -->

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    Filed under: A Lil' History, Available for Purchase, Wildlife Paintings

  • Just Like Identity Theft.

    June
    14
    2007

    It’s all about the mighty blog, today.

    Would you not agree, as a blogger, that your blog is your home on the internet? It’s who you are. The words you say, the way you say them, the contents you choose to display within your posts, within your sidebar. Those things make you identifiable in the blogosphere. When you go out for a bloghop, you don’t just read the blog and get to know the blogger – but if someone were to come up to you and introduce themselves, wouldn’t it be helpful if they added “you know, I’m the tan blog with the shiny satin ribbon and swirly floral pattern across the top.” Wouldn’t that be the clincher for a lot of people? “OH! Yes! You! I know you! You’re the one with the quaint little house tucked back behind the white picket fence and flowers for the summer! I love your boulders!” (can you guess who I’m talking about?)

    It’s not just what you say, folks, it’s your face. Your design is your skin in the blogosphere. Your words are still your words, but how you say them combined with how you look is what makes people remember where they are as well as who you are.

    I’m not saying you have to look great. God knows that a freebie template goes a long way for a lot of people. I’m saying that you are where you blog. What your blog looks like is part of your identity, just as the words you type are the voice that goes with your “face”.

    When you pay someone oodles of your hard earned cash to make you more you, then, it’s like getting a facelift. You’ve gone out and bought a new outfit, and that instantly becomes the way that people see you in their minds. When you pay for something like that, it’s tailored to suit just you. When you give yourself your own facelift, it’s even more personal – because you’ve done all of the hard work yourself in your spare time. You’ve hand sewn your new outfit in very special fabrics from your own mind.

    Having said all of that, say someone comes along and likes how you look. A little technical knowledge will guide a person to view the stylesheet (because unfortunately, there’s no CSS scrambler out there yet), and snag your code for their own personal use. This is where you get a smidge offended, because it’s sortof like your little sister going into your closet and taking a pair of your favorite shoes without asking.

    It’s one thing if your sister asks you where you got your shoes, and then goes to the same store and gets the same pair in a different color, you know? It’s another thing when she just takes yours. Isn’t it?

    I’m full of analogies this morning. Bear with me. I swear there’s a point in here somewhere – I’ll find it. Gimme a minute.

    I don’t understand how some people could not understand that looking at code and learning from it is much different from copying and pasting code. Going so far as to “learn” and implement so much from another stylesheet that you do a double take on the URL is just like identity theft. It is personal. I know I am not the only one who sees it this way, but what I’d really love to wrap my brain around is how the person who doesn’t see it this way thinks. When you right-click “copy” on content from the internet that you didn’t put there, you are taking something from someone else. So for the person who does this, I would ask you two things:

    1. Did the source give you permission to do that?
    2. Are you following their guidelines for using their content?

    Obviously the internet is a cool place to learn and see stuff we wouldn’t otherwise experience, or many of us wouldn’t even be here. I just wish more people would understand that just because you pay your ISP, it doesn’t mean that all of the information you are connected to is included in your monthly rates. I also wish that people would get out of the “if you don’t want someone to take it, don’t put it out there” mentality – because if more people would respect others belongings and whether or not they want to share it, then words like “copyright” wouldn’t exist.

    Yeah, I know, you want to know the source of the drama. Inquiring minds and all that, right? I’m just going to say that (as far as I know) it’s not me or my code, nor is it one of my designs.

    Sometimes? It sucks to be pretty. And good at what you do.

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    Filed under: Chit Chat

  • Eek! A Mouse!

    June
    13
    2007

    To those of you who work on your computers all day, I don’t need to tell you how very important it is to have a great mouse. For those of you who don’t? It is really important to have a great mouse. There. Now you know.

    A long long time ago when I was just a wee Irish Lassie, I was sitting beside a piece of sheet metal, leaning back onto my wrists watching TV. When I got up, I twisted my wrist around to push myself up off the floor and wouldn’tchyaknow, that sheet metal took a nice bite out of my wrist. Not just the skin, mind you, but deep down into my sweet little pinky tendon. It hooked me good, and I bled like a stuck pig. It declared that I should forever be annoyed by this injury – particularly in situations where little silver rodents must be moved around a soft cushy pad. Yes, my carpel tunnel doesn’t really like wired up regular mice very much – but more importantly, my scar hates it.

    And then I discovered Kensington’s wireless trackball mouse. And I was in heaven! I could move my pointer around with precision – I can draw with this puppy right in PSP. Ohhhh me loves me little blue mousie, alright. Except thirty times a day when I have to pop the ball out of the socket and wipe off the oils that transfer down to the mechanisms that control the movement. That kinda sucks.

    Lately, me and Kensie have had issues. I’ve spent more time trying to keep him clean than actually being productive, so I decided it was time for a replacement. Well, I was a little wrong about that. It really isn’t time for a replacement, I just forgot to ask Kensie, first. Shame on me.

    Yesterday I went to Staples and picked up the World’s Most Advanced Mouse. Heh! Most advanced my tushie. There’s absolutely no option with this mouse to flip it on it’s back and rub it’s belly to get what you want. It’s a nice mouse, sure, if you don’t have a ghost living in a scar on your wrist that sends shearing flames up your arm into your shoulder if you DARE rub that scar the wrong way. Bah.

    Today, I am trying to make amends with Kensie. I gave him a nice bath in hot soapy water (just the ball, silly.), and I used my magic eraser to attempt to get any build up off of the other very important parts. We’ll see how that goes. All I really know right now is that my level of productivity is in the hands of a wireless trackball that has, of course, been discontinued – and that’s more than a little scary.

    I will never understand why the things I love must be discontinued. WHY!? I can’t find another one of these anywhere. If you know of one that needs a good home, please let me know. I hope someone has a stockpile of them and finds this post. I don’t want a different trackball. I. want. this. one.

    I can’t be the only one who gets the shaft by the makers of my favorite things – so, what is the biggest discontinuation disappointment in your life? Please tell me I’m not alone.

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    Filed under: Chit Chat

  • 8 Things I know – Pass it on

    June
    11
    2007

    8 thingsShelly at This Eclectic Life is a Red Headed Texan with quite a vivid imagination; she seems to think I have 8 valuable tidbits of knowledge that I should pass along to you. Let me share a little secret with you – I’ve been trying to figure out what exactly those 8 things are since yesterday morning. Now there’s a scary thought.

    Shelly is a smart woman. She definitely knows 8 very important things, and then some. So go read hers, and then click away to another blog, because if you come back here, I’ll be as pale as an Irish Lass on Venice Beach in late July.

    I told her I’d give it a shot though – so I may have to give the whole serious deliberation a rest and go with a few of the more whimsical thoughts that came to mind when I started thinking this through. Without further procrastination adieu, here goes:

    1. Don’t hold your potty while you’re running to the bathroom. It really doesn’t hold anything in. If you gotta go, you gotta go, and nothing is going to stop that. You may as well forego looking like a total dork who waited too long on your way to wet your pants. If you have a bladder control problem, that’s what Depends are for.
    2. Don’t flick your boogers. You never know who they’re going to land on. It’s better to just eat them, or wipe them on your spouses pant leg.
    3. A latte a day keeps the sleepies away. Just be sure you’ve got a double or triple shot of espresso.
    4. Don’t take too many photos of the same dang thing. No one really wants to see a house sparrow blink in slow motion. There are some exceptions to this one, squirrels, for example. You can’t have too many photos of squirrels.
    5. Don’t wear clothes that are too small. Have a look in the mirror. If your junk is hanging out of your trunk, change your clothes. If you think there’s a little bump, it’s really 10x the size of how you see it to the general population. Hide it. Duct tape it. Do whatever you gotta do, but don’t let it hang all out there and don’t walk around thinking you’re hot stuff when really, you look like a bratwurst on the grill bursting out of the slit in the skin. Oh, yes, and if they’re too big and falling down around your buttcrack, buy a belt. The whole “look who we’ve got our Hanes on now” is just a commercial. Don’t take it too seriously – we really don’t all care to know.
    6. Stop and smell the roses. Once a day, find a flower and stick your nose in it. Breathe in. Deeply. (Note: check for bees first. – thanks for pointing that out, Shelly. I can only imagine the lawsuits I would have had to deal with on that one.)
    7. Count your friends. Because some day, your kids are going to ask “How many friends do you have, mommy?” And if you can’t answer that, they’ll make fun of you. Then they’ll tell you that you really only have one friend, and then you’ll feel like a big loser.
    8. Laugh. And then laugh some more. Because laughter really is the best medicine, and it’s also funny when your parrot starts mocking you and laughing back in your own laugh. Then you get to find out how stupid your laugh really sounds, and you can practice a new laugh in front of the mirror – out of earshot of the parrot, of course.

    There you have it. I hope you find my list invaluable, and that you must bookmark it so that you are less likely to forget anything. Send it to your friends, because some people just don’t even know any of this stuff yet, and you could save them the trouble of having to figure it out all by themselves.

    I’m not tagging anyone, but please let me know if you want to take this on and share your wisdom with the blogosphere. I’ll link you up and send people to you, and then Google will love you just as much as I do.

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